Part 1
If you are fond of a jug, say: ‘I am fond of a jug.’ Then, if it is broken, you will not be troubled.
I felt like a robot. I get the impression that the world is ugly or that I am proud of myself or that this assignment is interesting, but I don’t really know if that impression is true to form or not. I’m not allowed to agree with it. It feels like you have to delude yourself into splitting your personality apart; I don’t believe what I myself have seen? Isn’t one of the most primitive definitions “seeing is believing”? Weird. Really weird to do and to experience; I see trash on the street or people not taking care of themselves and I get the impression that this is sub-par, but I have to just stand around and say to myself that this is “just how the world is”. I really don’t like that. I’m allowed to not like my own thoughts because they are in my control. Supposedly.
That supposedly does a lot of heavy lifting… is anything really fully in our control? What if I take a bunch of steroids and they make my thoughts more angry or I take a bunch of serotonin regulators and they make my thoughts more bland. Am I still fully in control of what I think?
“Is it possible to concern yourself only with what is fully under your control” yes. I know people who have lived their entire lives as such. In my opinion, their lives are miserable. They might not feel that misery or care or accredit any comparison because it’s not their concern, but with my full and undeniably correct judgment* they are miserable. I don’t want to be one of those people. It does not interest me to continuously separate the world into what I can and cannot care about.
It felt like giving up on empathy, on sympathy, on pride, and on pity. The suspension of those feelings is where I arrived with the instructions of this assignment. Sure, you might feel more in control, but you’d feel more in control by the same means as a horse with blinders. Nothing really changes, it’s just a limitation of scope. Focusing yourself is important, but mostly blinding yourself is not the right approach to take.
Some of the people that I have known to act like stoics (though not necessarily because they are following it directly) do so because it is effective for them. Their lives become even more messy by consequence more miserable when they are burdened with yet more concern. Real world stoicisim is ineffective, it’s not a worthwhile trade.
On some level, you need to appreciate and make use of the “well, what can you really do about it” attitude. Not all fights are worth fighting, there are plenty of instances where giving up or passing by is just fine. I think stoicism is too drastic of an approach to finding and focusing virtue in your life.
